The Overloaded Brain Part Two: How to Calm an Exploding Brain in 5 Minutes

Last post I looked at the phenomenon of the exploding brain. Here is what to do if you recognize your brain is overloaded and emotionally hijacked.

1)   First notice and name: Make a point of paying attention to the signs of brain explosion (can’t find your words, yelling, heart racing, muscle tension, etc.) so you become aware it is happening. Then note to yourself “my brain is not working.” This action will create space between your observant brain and the emotion and will slow things down.

2)   Hit Pause: Don’t try to “figure things out” in that moment. Your brain is flooded and can’t access logical thought, so you’ll just end up more frustrated and overwhelmed. I often tell couples “don’t talk to an exploding brain”- if either brain is exploding, nothing will be resolved. If an argument is spiraling down, stop talking- you will only dig a deeper hole by continuing with a brain that isn’t functioning correctly. Wait until your brain has come back online before trying to be logical. 

3)   Calm your nervous system: Now that you’ve pressed the pause button, it’s time to attend to your nervous system so that your thinking brain can come back online. How do we do that? Here are two things to try that take just a few minutes: 

a.    Grounding: Being in our heads makes us more anxious so move the center of gravity down to your body. If seated, feel your feet on the floor and your body being supported by gravity. Notice all the points of contact with your body (eg. bottom on seat cushion, back on back cushion, hands on lap). Focus your attention for 15 seconds making contact with each and sense into where you feel it the most.

b.    Breathing Meditation: Without changing your breath, notice where you feel yourself inhale and exhale- nose, throat, chest, or belly. Follow the inhale and exhale by repeating to yourself “inhale/exhale.” Repeat for a few minutes. When you get distracted, return to the breath.

I’ve seen couples and individuals get themselves out of many pickles using these techniques. Let me know if you’ve tried these or other ways to calm your exploding brain- what works for you?  

In my next post, I’ll talk about how to turn around negativity in the overloaded brain.

Photo by Simon Migaj from Pexels

When Mindfulness Pays Off: Notes From a Tennis Champ

I don’t really consider myself to be a sports fan. But don’t try to talk to me during the four fortnights a year that comprise the weeks of grand slam tennis. What is it about those events that I find so stirring? I’m a sucker for stories of the human condition and following grand slam tennis is like being involved in an epic Russian novel. It has it all- sometimes contained in a single match- the drama of athletes alone on the court battling it out under great pressure: the unpredictably shifting fates of easy wins and grueling losses, the hope and despair, the loneliness of the battle and the connection with the capricious crowds. I admire the mental toughness that separates the champions from the merely great.

This past US Open, I marveled at many such athletes but especially at the 19 year-old women’s champion Bianca Andreescu. A year prior, Andreescu was battling back injury, ranked 152nd in the world and did not even qualify for the US Open. She then came back and not only qualified but beat Serena Williams, the greatest champion of all time, to clinch the title. How does she do it? To be sure she has enormous natural talents, an extraordinary work ethic, and a great team supporting her. But the most impressive aspect is her mental toughness under pressure, which is crucial for all elite athletes, but for singles tennis in particular. 

Andreescu has been very public about the importance of her mental training and about having a mindful meditation practice since the age of 12. In a press conference she was coy about her particular methods (not wanting to reveal trade secrets!) but did let leak one I found interesting. She stated that starting a few years ago she began the practice of writing a check to herself for the amount of the championship purse ($3.85 million for 2019). What a bold visualization!

Not to suggest that if I write myself a check for 4 mil it will suddenly appear, but Andreescu is onto something. Many are talented in various ways and work hard. But what makes a champion is the ability to maintain focus despite loss, injury, crowds turning against you, etc. and still come back and win. Keeping calm with a daily mindful meditation practice and razor-sharp eye on her goals helped Andreescu beat the odds and win.

I would love to hear from you- when you have a goal, what helps you keep your eyes on the prize?

Photo by Sudan Ouyang on Unsplash